洋葱电影的对白
Posted by: smoke520
以下是洋葱电影中的很黑很冷的对白，这部电影值得一看。感谢总结这部电影台词的朋友。
You can always count on the Onion to get the story.
It’s America’s finest news source.
你总能期望洋葱新闻带给你最劲爆的故事，它是最好的新闻来源
And now,the Onion News.
以下播出的是洋葱新闻
The Internet went down for three hours this morning plunging the nation into productivity.
今天上午，互联网断线三小时，我国的生产效率得到大幅度提高
The outage, which caused major work “startages” from New York to California prevented an estimated 120 million American employees from messing around on the Web at work.
互联网断线期间，刺激了纽约至加利福利亚的工作人员的效率，同时有效控制了大概一亿二千万的美国员工在工作期间上网乱逛
插播新上映电影预告
片名：cockpuncher（弹鸡侠）
主演：Steven Seagal（就是以前经常出演动作片的那个马尾辫）
From Global Tetrahedron Pictures
环球金字塔出品
Steven面对镜头：I don’t think you have the balls.
继续播报新闻
According to statistics,87% of U.S citizens are obese.
And the surgeon general is taking steps to address the problem.
As a result of the rampant spread of obesity in the U.S，the government has been forced to raise the definition of obesity from 55% body fat to 90%.
The move, which reduces the number of obese Americans.from 200 million to 185 million.was widely applauded from coast to coast.
有数据表明，87%的美国公民体重超标，首席医疗部门正在逐步解决该问题，由于肥胖问题在美国越来越严重，政府不得不重新设定肥胖的标准，从原来的脂肪比重55%上升到现在的90%，这项举措使美国的肥胖人口数从两亿降低到了一亿八千万，该措施受到了广泛的称赞。
下面是娱乐明星面对面
Melissa Cherry is America’s biggest pop sensation.
selling millions of records to her legions of teenage fans.
But is this young singer sending the wrong message?
Some concerned parents think Melissa Cherry’s image and music are too sexy setting an inappropriate example for their children.
So, what do you say to all the concerned parents out there?
樱桃小甜甜是美国流行歌坛的轰动明星，在青少年人群中销售了数百万张唱片，但是这位偶像会不会散布了不良信息呢？一些家长认为樱桃小甜甜的形象与歌曲带有性暗示，这会带给孩子不良的影响，对于这个问题，我们来听听当事人偶像歌星樱桃小甜甜的看法
Well, Kip, I honestly don’t understand what all the fuss is about.
My music isn’t about sex.
It’s about being a girl and having fun.
额~Kip,老实说我真的不明白是怎么回事,我的音乐无关于性,我要表达的是作为女孩子该怎样享受生活
But clearly the song, “Down on my Knees,” Melissa, is about fellatio, isn’t it?
但是小甜甜,很明显的是,”双膝跪地”这首歌是关于口交的吧,不是吗?
It’s about how like, when you have a big crush on a boy,sometimes you get down on your knees and, like, beg for their love.
额~~其实这首歌是形容,恩,就好比你突然爱上了一个男孩,有时候你会跪下来,哀求他们来爱,多美好的爱情~~
What about your first big hit, “Take Me From Behind”?
那么你的成名曲”从后面来”又怎么说呢?
”Take Me From Behind” isn’t sexual at all.
It’s about love sneaking up on you.
You know, like from the behind.
You know, it could be a boyfriend’s love sneaking up on you,or a friend’s or even Jesus Christ.
”从后面来”这首歌跟性一点儿关系都没有,它说的是一场爱情悄悄的来到你身旁,恩~~~就像从后方来一样,你知道,可以是男朋友的爱悄悄来临,也可以是朋友的爱甚至耶稣的爱~~
部分歌词如下(由热情粉丝提供)
But what I really want is for you to take me from behind
Oh, yeah , Oh ,Oh ,Oh …
When you love me right up front
you know that I don’t mind
But what I really want is for you to take me from behind
但我真正想要的是,你从后面来
噢~也~~哦,哦,哦…
你从前面来,我不介意
但我真正想要的是,你从后面来
Let’s talk about the song,”Lollipop Love.”
那我们来谈谈这首歌,”棒棒糖之爱”
”Lollipop Love” is the kind of love that is just really sweet and you just kind of want to lick it,you know, and suck it.
”棒棒糖之爱”是形容那种非常甜蜜的爱,甜蜜得你只想去舔舐和吮吸
部分歌词如下(由热情粉丝提供)
Lollipop
Hey, yeah
Lollipop
Love
Lollipop
Baby, baby
Oh-ho, lollipop love
棒棒糖
噢~~也
棒棒糖之爱
棒棒糖
宝贝,宝贝
我来爱
哦~~棒棒糖的爱
What about the song “Shoot Your Love All Over Me”?
那么”让爱射满我”这首歌呢?
That’s about how, like,when you’re in love you just wanna be covered in it.
那是关于,恩~~当你沉浸于爱情之中的时候,你只想被爱覆盖.
部分歌词如下(由热情粉丝提供)
Shoot your love all over me
Oh, drown me in a milky sea
Love all over me
让爱射满我
噢~使我淹没在乳白的海洋中
我全身都是爱
But clearly, the video seems to tell a different story.
但是很显然,MTV里看起来好象是另外一回事
What kind is that?
什么事?
The kind with a cum shot.
有点象,额~~JY喷射那样
I’m a virgin.
How would I know what a facial is?
Sometimes I like dressing up sexy in my videos.
but that’s just my way of celebrating being a woman.
Because I know who Melissa Cherry is，She’s just a good, old-fashioned country girl from Monroe, Tennessee.
我还是个处女呢~~我怎么会懂颜射这种东西呢?
有时候我喜欢在MTV里打扮得很性感,但是那只是我肯定女人的一种方式而已,因为我知道我是谁,我只是个从Tennessee来的守旧女孩
广告
片名：cockpuncher（弹鸡侠）
主演：Steven Seagal
From Global Tetrahedron Pictures
环球金字塔出品
Steven面对镜头：I don’t think you have the balls.
镜头转
在一个洞窟里,一个阿拉伯人正在看cockpuncher的广告，嘴里不由发出赞叹，这时他意识到了墙上的照片（一个酷似拉登的人怒目而视），煽了自己几个耳光之后不断重复着：
Decadent, immoral, Western filth!
堕落猥亵的西方垃圾
you’ll receive eternal life in paradise for you and 100 of your relatives.
You’ll be blessed with unlimited sex from 72 virgins
你将在天堂得到永恒,你还可以和七十二个处女无限对战
广告
Gentlemen, experience the majestic splendor of a cruise aboard the luxurious Queen Nathan II.
先生们,体验美妙时光,快来内森皇后二号豪华游轮吧
On the Queen Nathan, there’s so much for today’s gay man to enjoy shuffleboard, exquisite cuisine monster cocks.
在内森皇后上,诸位同志可以尽享今日基情,体验趣味游戏,美妙食物,还有怪兽级的JJ
Grab a pole and go deep-sea fishing.
Yes, whether you want to scuba dive, get blown.
or play blackjack in our glamorous casino.
the Queen Nathan II’s got what you’re looking for.
找个洞洞来深海垂钓（一个男人拿着鱼竿，另外一个在其身后摩挲）
没错,不管你是想潜水、吹萧，还是去豪华赌场玩21，内森皇后应有尽有
新闻播报重新开始
The nation’s anti-tobacco lobby won another victory today.
国家反香烟协会今天又赢了
when Congress passed legislation restricting smoking within U.S. borders to a single room in Iowa.
Smokers from across the country are making the long journey to the 10-by-10 smoker’s lounge in Des Moines, Iowa.
国会通过了新的吸烟法案，除了Iowa州的唯一一个房间之外，其他地区全面禁烟
吸烟者长途跋涉，穿州越省赶到Iowa州那间10乘10大的房间去吸烟
下面是法制新闻
A judge has declared local aerobics instructor and accused murderer, Jennifer Porter,too fit to stand trial.
Judge Edward Conlin said that the suspect with her washboard abs and powerful leg muscles is of too sound body to be tried for the killing of her ex-lover.
法官Edward Conlin裁定当地一宗谋杀案的嫌疑犯Jennifer Porter（健美教练）因为身材太好，以至于不当出庭受审
Edward Conlin称，该嫌疑人腹部坚挺结实，腿部浑圆有力，身体极赋韵律感，不太可能杀死她的旧情人
local 18-year-old Joey Frankel is suing for the right to be sexually harassed in the workplace，Frankel
an employee at Carl’s Copy Shop in Phoenix alleged that during his three years there not a single female coworker made inappropriate sexual advances toward him either verbal or physical.
当地一个名叫Frankel的18岁男孩，为其在工作场所的被性骚扰权起诉（没错，就是被性骚扰的权利）
Frankel是Phoenix一家名叫Carl的复印店的员工，Frankel日前宣称在工作的三年时间里，没有过一个女性同事对其提供不当性行为的机会，无论是口头上还是生理上。。。
插播广告
Has your penis become stuck in a library book return slot?
Call Kostman’s, the penis people.
We’ve been the tri-county area’s penis retrieval experts for 64 years.
We’ll get any penis out of any slot for $39.95
So don’t just sit there hoping that your penis will somehow magically free itself.
您的小弟弟是否曾经卡在图书馆的还书孔？
打电话给Kostman吧，我们为您服务
我们的业务遍及多个国家和地区
对于解放小弟弟有着长达64年的经验
只需要39.35美圆,我们可以将任何小弟弟从任何孔里面解放出来
您还等什么,快拿起身边的电话吧,您以为坐在那小弟弟就能魔术般的自己跑出来吗?
体育新闻
After last night’s heartbreaking loss in Los Angeles
basketball star Dashante Jackson had harsh words for the lord.
昨晚在LA令人心碎的输球后,球星Dashante Jackson向上帝开炮
以下是赛后访问
You know, I’d like to put the blame on God tonight.
for not blessing me with the talent to hit the game-winnin’ three-pointer tonight.
You know, without him,I would truly be goin’ to the play-offs.
Bitch, I don’t know why you do this shit to me!
要知道,今天晚上的一切都得怪到上帝的头上
因为他没有帮助我投进那个至关重要的三分球
如果不是他,我早就把那三分球投进去而获得加时了（此时屏幕上的比分是95比97 Dashante Jackson的球队落后2分）
贱人!!!!!我不明白你为什么这样对我!!!!!!!!!!
For the Onion News,this is Norm Archer.
Fuck you and good night.
以上是今天的洋葱新闻,我是Norm Archer
草泥马,晚安~~~
Tags: The Onion Movie, 洋葱新闻, 洋葱电影
